So I'm listening to taylor swift-today was a fairy tale. Its such a cute song, I totally love it "can you feel the magic in the air, it must have been the way you kissed me" awwww. So even though I'm totally in 'man-hating mode' I still love a good love song and all those messed up feelings it gives you. Reminds me of when I was deeply in love and thought the sun shone out of his....ok lemme leave it right there...lol!
Im packing up my stuff now. getting ready to leave. Im not even going to go into all the emotions Im feeling, but I will talk about the diary I found and got the courage to read today. I dont write eveeryday but when I get the chance and time. I can write everyday then go for years without saying anything, but its such a good barometer of my state of mind...lol! well I can see how far I have come interms of spiritual and mental growth etc. And I guess in a way this is my new diary.
So anyway i was reading the ones from my uni days, well those were letters between me and my girlfriend. I almost cried with laughter and nostalgia. we were so young and innocent. I wish i could go and hug those two girls, life was so good back then. Not complicated by work and men and bills and kids. We were just young girls with hopes and dreams. Very innocent.
In many ways we still are but now we have the battle scars. we have experienced so much in these last few years.
I got to reading my diary entries from my relationship days. It made me really emotional. I saw the progression of the relationship from liking this guy to loving him with all my heart. I think what made me feel so sore when reading all of that was reliving the memories of the intimacies of a relationship. the words you share, the time you share together. Little things, how he made me feel on a particular day, what he said to me. Things that made me smile, things that made me feel special, things that made me angry....all those relationship things. But I was reading and reading and wondering what happened to that guy? what happened to "I love you"? if I could go back in time what could i tell that girl hearing those things? would I warn her of the impending heartbreak? Would i tell her to stop falling harder everyday? to take her heart and run as fast as she can?
well all that means absolutely nothing now. It may as wll not have happened. i try not to have regrets in life and I said before that I didnt regret the experience but right now i do regret it.
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